Behind Blue Eyes
by LadyKatetheGreat
Summary: A very angstridden little piece describing Mamoru's torture and hatred of himself and why he torments Usagi.


_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes  
_

He awoke every morning, knowing what the day would hold for him. He opened his blue eyes and faced the ceiling head on. Alone. Each day closer to his death. He worked hard to stay that way.

The only friend he allowed himself wasn't even that close. He saw him everyday, and he was friendly. A good man to talk to, if he had ever found himself possessed of the need to talk about anything beyond the shallow events of his day-to-day life. To reveal his heart.__

No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies

But he didn't. He told himself he didn't deserve even this one friend, this one person to talk to about nothing.

The small blond klutz who tripped her way into and out of his life was far beyond his reward as well. He told himself he hated her, told her she was fat and disgusting so that she would believe in his hatred. __

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be 

He dreamed of a princess, late at night, whose voice reminded him of the girl he taunted. It made his breath hitch in his sleep before he steeled himself against it and continued to rail against this pale woman who haunted him.__

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

He spent hours in his lonely and bare apartment, struggling to breath through his hatred, to punish himself further, to push himself harder in his studies and in his life, hating himself.__

No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do   
And I blame you

He fought against his feelings for the klutz, hating her for doing this to him, hating himself for wanting what he didn't deserve.__

No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe   
Can show through

When she smiled at his one and only friend, he was amazed at the feelings that pushed to the surface. He struggled to hide them, his anger and his pain, when his friend grinned back at her and she blushed crimson.__

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be 

He gazed at her as she devoured her ice cream. Yes, she was a mess. No, there was nothing remotely adorable about how she scarfed down the cold fast enough to freeze what few brains she had. But he was captivated.

_  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_

He wanted to hurt anyone who ever hurt her. He found himself hating those cracks she tripped over, wanting to come back with wet cement in the dead of night and fill them in. He wanted to kiss away every hurt she had ever had or ever would have. That was why he kept away from her. He would kill himself if he hurt her, and he knew he would hurt her. He wasn't good enough, he was too broken. He hurt everyone he loved, so he didn't love anyone.__

When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool   
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool

He struggled not to laugh with her when she came into his friend's shop full of joy at the way the light was making all the colors more vivid or how a baby had smiled at her in the street. He settled for laughing at her, telling himself to be content with the closest he would ever get to her.__

If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

He shivered under his blanket in his cold and bare apartment, not allowing his mind to wander to the blonde's warmth as his blue eyes stared blankly at the ceiling.__

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man   
Behind blue eyes

I don't know where this came from, I'm not a very angsty person, but I got the idea when I was reading a Dramione fic, and it evolved from there. I'm fairly certain it's been done before, it seems elementary, it being such a popular song and so clearly pointing to Mamoru (but maybe that's just to me.)

I don't own anything in this story except the words, not the characters I never named nor the plot to which I vaguely alluded.

Neither do I own the song Behind Blue Eyes, which is by The Who and a very good song.


End file.
